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Bog Standard

Restroom comedy has always been the safe haven of your Daily, and publications remain attentive to significant toilet tales and milestones, especially in relation to football. What a delight it was to discover that an online journalist a famous broadcaster has a West Brom-themed urinal at his home. Reflect for a moment about the Tykes follower who interpreted the restroom rather too directly, and needed rescuing from an empty Oakwell stadium following dozing off in the toilet at half-time during a 2015 defeat against Fleetwood Town. “He was barefoot and misplaced his cellphone and his cap,” stated a representative from Barnsley fire services. And who can forget at the pinnacle of his career playing for City, the Italian striker entered a community college to use the facilities in 2012. “Balotelli parked his Bentley outside, then entered and inquired the location of the toilets, afterward he visited the teachers' lounge,” an undergraduate shared with the Manchester Evening News. “After that he was just walking round the campus as if he owned it.”

The Restroom Quitting

This Tuesday commemorates a quarter-century since Kevin Keegan stepped down as the England coach after a brief chat within a restroom stall with FA director David Davies in the underground areas of Wembley, subsequent to the memorable 1-0 setback against Germany in 2000 – England’s final match at the famous old stadium. As Davies remembers in his diary, his confidential FA records, he stepped into the wet beleaguered England dressing room directly following the fixture, seeing David Beckham weeping and Tony Adams energized, both players begging for the director to convince Keegan. After Dietmar Hamann's set-piece, Keegan walked slowly through the tunnel with a blank expression, and Davies found him slumped – similar to his Anfield posture in 1996 – in the dressing room corner, muttering: “I'm leaving. This isn't for me.” Stopping Keegan, Davies tried desperately to rescue the scenario.

“Where could we possibly locate for confidential discussion?” recalled Davies. “The tunnel? Crawling with television reporters. The dressing room? Heaving with emotional players. The bath area? I couldn’t hold a vital conversation with the team manager as squad members entered the baths. Just a single choice remained. The lavatory booths. A dramatic moment in England’s long football history occurred in the ancient loos of a stadium facing demolition. The approaching dismantling was nearly palpable. Dragging Kevin into a cubicle, I closed the door after us. We stood there, facing each other. ‘You cannot persuade me,’ Kevin stated. ‘I'm leaving. I'm not capable. I’m going out to the press to tell them I’m not up to it. I can’t motivate the players. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Results

Therefore, Keegan stepped down, eventually revealing he viewed his period as Three Lions boss “without spirit”. The two-time Ballon d’Or winner added: “I had difficulty passing the hours. I ended up coaching the blind squad, the hearing-impaired team, supporting the female team. It’s a very difficult job.” English football has come a long way in the quarter of a century since. For better or worse, those stadium lavatories and those iconic towers are long gone, while a German now sits in the technical area Keegan previously used. Thomas Tuchel’s side are among the favourites for the upcoming Geopolitics World Cup: National team followers, value this time. This specific commemoration from one of England's worst moments is a reminder that things were not always so comfortable.

Live Updates

Follow Luke McLaughlin at 8pm UK time for Women’s Bigger Cup updates concerning Arsenal's match against Lyon.

Today's Statement

“We remained in an extended queue, clad merely in our briefs. We were Europe’s best referees, elite athletes, role models, mature people, mothers and fathers, resilient characters with high morals … yet nobody spoke. We hardly glanced at one another, our looks wavered slightly nervously when we were requested to advance in couples. There Collina observed us from top to bottom with an ice-cold gaze. Silent and observant” – previous global referee Jonas Eriksson reveals the humiliating procedures match officials were formerly exposed to by previous European football refereeing head Pierluigi Collina.

Football Daily Letters

“What’s in a name? A Dr Seuss verse exists called ‘Too Many Daves’. Has Blackpool experienced Excessive Steves? Steve Bruce, along with aides Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been dismissed through the exit. Does this conclude the club's Steve fixation? Not completely! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie continue to take care of the first team. Total Steve progression!” – John Myles

“Since you've opened the budget and awarded some merch, I have decided to put finger to keypad and share a brief observation. Postecoglou mentions he initiated altercations in the schoolyard with youngsters he knew would beat him up. This masochistic tendency must account for his option to move to Nottingham Forest. As an enduring Tottenham follower I will always be grateful for the second-season trophy however the sole second-year prize I envision him securing by the Trent, if he lasts that long, is the second tier and that would be a significant battle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|